Last week, as my wife and I were driving home from taking our kids to camp, we saw the darnedest thing – a small car was pulling a big truck. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? This kind of thinking comes from someone who can become easily impressed with the big and not so impressed with the small. This picture taught me several lessons:

Small doesn’t always mean weak and powerless.   

Big doesn’t always mean powerful and strong.

Small things, with the more than adequate power, can accomplish big tasks.   

The big will sometimes be dependent on the small.  

I should not despise or show contempt for small things.

God uses small things, and seemingly insignificant people to accomplish big stuff (I am fully aware he uses the big as well). In the past, we have seen God use small babies to deliver a big number of people (Moses and Jesus), a small rod to part a big sea, a small rock to kill a big giant, small boys to run big kingdoms (David and Josiah), and a small band of twelve men to start a big movement, the church. 

Are you feeling small, insignificant or unimportant? Are you feeling like your influence, money, education, and accomplishments are too small to accomplish anything big? Remember, God uses small things to accomplish big stuff. He has done it in the past, and he desires to continue it through you today. Submit your weaknesses and inadequacies to his divine power and watch him do amazing things in, through, and with your life.

What weaknesses do you think God wants you to submit to him today?

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Michael Jackson 1958-2009

Thanks for the music, Michael.

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My wife and I were discussing the recent stories about politicians, TV celebrities, sports figures, pastors and ministry leaders, and close friends, committing adultery. It seems like it is perfectly acceptable for married men to have “jump offs.“ A “jump off” is a man’s casual or long time sexual partner or girlfriend, other than his wife or significant other; a woman of dubious sexual practices; a woman, other than his wife, whom he can “jump on” and “jump off,” without any real commitment. As Tonia and I discussed the consequences and the fallout of adultery, and the pain suffered and the road to healing and restored trust, we could not talk about it without getting angry, but also not without our hearts breaking and aching for all those involved – spouses, children, family, friends, members and constituencies.  

One of the questions my wife asked me was, what goes through a man’s mind when he make the decision to make that infamous call to set up the appointment for the forbidden coffee, lunch or dinner, send that emotionally or sexually charged email, text message, IM or DM, to meet in some darkly lit parking lot, or some “off the beaten path” hotel or even take a trip to a romantic city and say you were hiking? What is a man thinking when he allows risky flirting to turn into sexual reality?  Now, I know that women are culpable as well, but today I am just talking about men. What are some of the things that set up us men for moral failure? What are some things that pave the way for that moment of insanity? I don’t know all that goes through a man’s mind, but based on my experience as a man and a pastor, I have listened to so many stories from men who have fallen, and when I perform the autopsy on adultery, here is what I find: 

Self-deception, delusional, and prideful thinking - “I won’t get caught”; “I can preach/teach it, but I don’t have to live it.”; “Nobody will ever find out”; “I’m too strong for it to happen to me.”; There is nothing wrong with innocent flirting.”

Insanity 

Isolation 

A worldly value system

Practical Atheism (saying God exists, but living like He doesn’t). 

Fatigue and burnout 

Not making our wives the priority

Pure selfishness/self gratification  

Disrespect from their wives or significant others 

God/Messiah complex

Having an emotional and mental affair first (undisciplined thought life)

Unrealistic expectations of our wives or significant others 

Not having godly and strong editors in our lives 

Forgetting what’s at stake 

Dichotomous living (Not seeing our lives as one whole, but separating the secular and the sacred)

No, very few, or flimsy boundaries

I will stop here, but I will not leave us hopeless. I will have more to say tomorrow – how we can protect ourselves from standing at a microphone apologizing for ruining our families, our careers and destroying the trust that so many placed in us. But, I would love for you to join this conversation. 

What do you think? Is it all right for a married man or a man in a serious relationship, to have a jump off? Why or why not? Looking at the list above, which do you believe are the top three reasons why they do? What do you think are some other reasons why men commit adultery or cheat on their significant others (besides men are dogs)? How can we do a better job protecting what is sacred and holy? Please join the conversation.

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Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

I was taught that if you hurt someone or offend someone, you apologize and ask the person to forgive you. The other morning I was impressed with the thought of how I have hurt and offended my heavenly Father, and how I needed to tell him, “I’m sorry.” So, here is a portion of my apology note to my heavenly Father: 

For the times I taught your word in my own strength and for my own glory, I’m sorry.

For the times when I thought I was You, I’m sorry.

For the times I said You existed, but lived like You didn’t, I’m sorry.

For the years that I was angry at how “church people” treated me, I’m sorry.  

For the times I was jealous/envious of another’s gifting or their success, I’m sorry.

For the times I let days go by without talking with you, I’m sorry.

For the times I was more concerned about my blog traffic and stats than about your glory and honor, I’m sorry.

For the times when I thought it was all about me, I’m sorry.

For the times I embarrassed the Kingdom with my words/actions, I’m sorry. 

For the times I crucified you all over again, I’m sorry.

For the times I took the “second look,” I’m sorry.

For the times I had the attitude of the older brother, I’m sorry.  

For the times when I used people for my own benefit and gain, I’m sorry.

For the times I put the church before my first church (family), I’m sorry.

For the times I was self-righteous and judged others harshly, I’m sorry.

For the times I knew what was right but did what was wrong, I’m sorry.

For the times my motives were tainted with personal gain and security, I’m sorry.  

For the times I harbored unforgiveness and bitterness toward others, I’m sorry.

For the times I placed my priorities ahead of yours, I’m sorry.

For the times I posed and managed an image to impress people, I’m sorry.

For the times I clouded the truth to save myself, I’m sorry.

For the times I simply went through the motions, I’m sorry.  

For the times I breathed your air, ate your food, used your gifts, and enjoyed your blessings, without saying thank you, I’m sorry.

1 John 1:9 says: if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

James 5:16 says: confess your sins to one another that you might be healed.  

Proverbs 28:13 says: People who cover their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy.

What about you? How would your apology note to your heavenly Father look?

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This evening you will be honored as Person of the Year. Thousands of people are gathered in your honor to celebrate your contributions to your family, friends, colleagues, your organization, and your community. Several key people (spouse, children, colleagues, etc) are scheduled to give speeches, using words to highlight how you have added value to the world through your character and performance. What words and phrases would you most like to hear others say about you? How would like to be remembered tonight? What descriptions would make you feel like you’ve lived your life to the fullest. If you could write these tributes about yourself, what would they say? If you have trouble writing your tribute, start answering the following questions (a non-exhaustive list). Answering these questions will help you to clarify your values, understand what you really care about, and develop an ideal image of yourself:

What are you discontent about?
What do you really care about?
What’s grabbed you and won’t let you go?
What are you passionate about?
When you do this (using your gift), God tends to show up in great power?
What do you stand for? 
What keeps you awake at night? 
What makes you mourn, grieve and weep/cry?
Where and on what do you spend your time? Money?

These words may seem rather ideal and lofty, but the greater the clarity and belief in our values, the greater the probability we’ll act in concert with them. 

What other questions you would like to add to this list, that you think would help to clarify our values? What 3-5 words or phrases would you most like to hear others (especially spouse, significant other and children) say about you? Leave your comments here so others can see and be blessed .

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When we were growing up, my father kept a can of WD-40 in the house and in his car. It seemed it was the end all be all for almost everything. But what is WD-40? It literally stands for Water Displacement, 40th attempt. In 1953, the chemist, Norm Larsen, was attempting to concoct a formula to prevent corrosion – a task which is done by displacing water. Larsen’s unyielding tenacity and persistence paid off when he perfected the formula on his 40th try. Larsen had, what the Bible calls, chutzpah (khoot-spuh).  

Matthew introduces us to a Gentile woman who had chutzpah (Matthew 15:21-28). Her daughter was violently and cruelly demon-possessed. She had no hope of ever seeing her daughter normal again, playing on the roads, or walking down aisle on her wedding day. She was hopeless, until she heard Jesus was in town, the same Jesus who had exorcised a demon on the Sabbath. Her faith came alive because she had heard about Jesus’ power at work in the lives of others. With this in mind, she approached Jesus boldly and persevered with unyielding tenacity. She had the gall, the brazen nerve, the incredible guts, the audacity to overstep the boundaries of accepted behavior, with no shame, in order to get help for her daughter. She had chutzpah! Jesus responded to the unyielding persistence of her desire and healed her daughter. Take time to carefully read the narrative.

Man, I wish I had that kind of chutzpah in my prayer life. Sometimes I pray and if I don’t get an answer the first time, I give up. I stop praying. I stop approaching. I stop crying out to God. That’s not chutzpah! Chutzpah is having the raw nerve, the gall, the incredible guts, and the audacity to be persistent with God. Now, it is not an attitude of arrogance, but an attitude of unyielding tenacity that recognizes that God is sovereign, good, just, loving and desires what’s best for his people. I wonder how many of our requests God has not granted because we lacked chutzpah. So, when you pray, do it with chutzpah! 

Do you have chutzpah? What prayers have you seen God answer because of your chutzpah? What other questions does this post raise for you regarding chutzpah in prayer?  

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Both my sons play baseball, and each team has signals for bunting, stealing, taking a pitch, hitting away, etc. Normally, the third base coach gives the signals to each player before he steps to the plate. Also, after each pitch, our batters are supposed to step out of the batter’s box, look down the third base line, and check with the coach for the signals. Needless to say, they missed many of the signals because they weren’t paying attention at the beginning of the game when the signals were given or they simply did not bother to look down the line to get the signals from the third base coach. As a result, we were far from having a wining record. 

Each day, I believe, the Holy Spirit gives me signals to: steal away to a quiet place, pray, stop, pause, breathe, go, talk, be silent, take a risk, listen, move, repent, confess, laugh, love harder, dig deeper, live and lead more courageously, share the gospel, put down my blackberry, turn off the computer, buy my wife a gift or simply hold her, play catch or sit with my children, call someone I haven’t seen in a while, and so many more.

I wonder how many times I have miss the signals in my day because I wasn’t paying attention or because I wasn’t looking down the line to check with the Third Base Coach before I started my day. Sometimes I see the signal to bunt (humility), but because I don’t see myself as a “small ball” kind of player, but a power hitter (Ego, Pride), who wants to be the hero and win the game (selfishness), I ignore the signals and carry out my own agenda at the plate. In the end, I lose out on advancing the Kingdom and bringing glory to our heavenly Father.

Each day, before I start my busy day, I need to look down the line and check the signals from the Third Base Coach, through prayer and meditating on Jesus’ words. This way, I can better understand what he wants me to do, thereby doing my part in advancing his kingdom in the world. What signals is the Third Base Coach giving you? How closely do you pay attention and follow them? 

“Since we live in the Spirit, we should also walk in the Spirit.” Gal. 5:25

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The good looking kid (gets the looks from his mother) you see in the picture is my son, Micah. This year he has developed a love affair with baseball. On Thursday he asked me to work on his pitching with him. I told him that I would after I finished working out. I finished my workout, got something to eat, showered and before I knew it, time had slipped away from me. Now, I was rushing out the door to get to the office. As I was walking out the door, I heard his innocent but maturing voice, “I thought you were going to work on my pitching with me.”

Now, I had every intention on playing with him, but had conjured up several “good” reasons why we should postpone his pitching session: I was running behind schedule, he had just finished eating, and it had been raining earlier (Now, it really hadn’t rained long and hard enough to prevent us from playing). “Son, can we work on your pitching when I come back home this evening?” He said, “All right, dad.” Although his “all right” sounded like he understood, I knew it was laced with disappointment. His “all right” sounded like a hope deferred, and I was the one who had deferred it.  

When he conceded, I knew I was about to break a promise to my son. But, the Holy Spirit would not let me. He nudged me to put down my bag, my blackberry, and my afternoon snack and pick up my glove and work on pitching with my son. I obeyed. It was the best ten minutes of my day. Yes, it was inconvenient. Yes, it interrupted my flow. But, something more important than my schedule and my flow was at stake. My integrity was at stake. My example and reputation of being a “father who keeps a promise’ was at stake (I know another Father who has a reputation of keeping promises) This was about more than playing catch. It was about making and keeping a promise to my son. I told him I would, and I needed to keep my word. It was a promise worth keeping.

What promises have you made to your spouse, children, family and friends, that you need to keep today? What inconveniences or interruptions have you allowed to prevent you from keeping your word? What baby steps can you take to fulfill your promises?

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I was at a luncheon on yesterday, where Don Cousins, author of LeaderShift, was speaking to a group of pastors. I was sitting next to a distinguished gentleman, who is a very prominent leader in the black community and an associate minister at the host church. While we listened to the talk (It really was a great talk), he made it pretty obvious that he did not want to be there. He seemed to grow more and more impatient with each passing minute. He checked his watch at least 10-15 times and held his head down almost the entire talk, fiddling with his PDA.

Minutes before Cousins finished his talk, the man got up to leave, but his pastor asked him to stay until Cousins was completely done. He complied. Afterwards, he told his pastor that during the talk he was convinced that his church was not the place for him and that he was leaving. Then he said, “But, in the last three minutes of the talk, the Lord spoke to me, telling me there is work to be done. I’m staying.” Now, Cousins’ talk lasted almost an hour (Every leader and pastor should have heard it), but it was the last three minutes that impacted this man and changed his mind.

This brief exchange taught me a few lessons:

• 180 seconds in more than enough time for God to speak and change a mind and a life.
• If I bail out of a message or prayer or a conversation too soon, I could be missing what God wants to say to me, to disturb me, encourage me, challenge me, bless me, empower me, sustain me, and even rearrange my values to align with his. The last three minutes of my quiet time with God, listening to message, or having a conversation with a mentor or a friend, might be the most important minutes of the entire time. 
• I need to dial in, be fully present, and listen carefully.

How have you experienced God speaking to you in a short period of time? How did you respond to his voice?

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Jackie Robinson was the first black to play major league baseball in the modern era (Moses Fleetwood Walker played 42 games in 1884). Breaking baseball’s color barrier, he faced jeering crowds in many stadiums. While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error. The fans began to ridicule him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while fans jeered. Then, shortstop Pee Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said: “That arm around my shoulder saved my career.”  In that moment, Pee Wee Reese was Robinson’s “ride or die.” A “ride or die” is someone in your life who will be there with you through thick and thin. They will do what they need to do to help you make it through difficult times. In short, a “ride or die” is a very close friend. King David had a“ride or die” list, and we can find that list over five chapters in 2 Samuel (15-19). David’s “ride or die” list include: Ittai, Zadok, Abiathar, Hushai, Shobi, Machir, Barzillai, and Joab. Their examples help us to see what a true “ride or die” looks like. A true “ride or die” will:

1. Pledge absolute allegiance to you, even if it means death
2. Tell you the truth about your life and decisions 
3. Love you when you have nothing else to give
4. Put you first 
5. Not let the past to ruin the friendship 
6. Accepts you, even when he/she doesn’t understand you or agree with you 
7. Will stand with you regardless of risks involved
8. Lay their lives down for you 
9. Give without being asked and they ask for nothing in return
10. Give out of love with no hidden agenda

No price is too high and no inconvenience too great for a true “ride or die.” As I look over this list of characteristics, my “ride or die” list is very short, maybe 5-7 deep. Based on these characteristics, and others you can add, prayerfully make your own “ride or die” list. Who are the people who would be on your list? Why? How can you demonstrate your appreciation for their friendship to you? Would your closest friends consider you a true “ride or die?” 

There is a “Ride and Die” who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

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