Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

I was taught that if you hurt someone or offend someone, you apologize and ask the person to forgive you. The other morning I was impressed with the thought of how I have hurt and offended my heavenly Father, and how I needed to tell him, “I’m sorry.” So, here is a portion of my apology note to my heavenly Father: 

For the times I taught your word in my own strength and for my own glory, I’m sorry.

For the times when I thought I was You, I’m sorry.

For the times I said You existed, but lived like You didn’t, I’m sorry.

For the years that I was angry at how “church people” treated me, I’m sorry.  

For the times I was jealous/envious of another’s gifting or their success, I’m sorry.

For the times I let days go by without talking with you, I’m sorry.

For the times I was more concerned about my blog traffic and stats than about your glory and honor, I’m sorry.

For the times when I thought it was all about me, I’m sorry.

For the times I embarrassed the Kingdom with my words/actions, I’m sorry. 

For the times I crucified you all over again, I’m sorry.

For the times I took the “second look,” I’m sorry.

For the times I had the attitude of the older brother, I’m sorry.  

For the times when I used people for my own benefit and gain, I’m sorry.

For the times I put the church before my first church (family), I’m sorry.

For the times I was self-righteous and judged others harshly, I’m sorry.

For the times I knew what was right but did what was wrong, I’m sorry.

For the times my motives were tainted with personal gain and security, I’m sorry.  

For the times I harbored unforgiveness and bitterness toward others, I’m sorry.

For the times I placed my priorities ahead of yours, I’m sorry.

For the times I posed and managed an image to impress people, I’m sorry.

For the times I clouded the truth to save myself, I’m sorry.

For the times I simply went through the motions, I’m sorry.  

For the times I breathed your air, ate your food, used your gifts, and enjoyed your blessings, without saying thank you, I’m sorry.

1 John 1:9 says: if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

James 5:16 says: confess your sins to one another that you might be healed.  

Proverbs 28:13 says: People who cover their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy.

What about you? How would your apology note to your heavenly Father look?

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As I ponder the quest to my rest, I am guilty of delaying my yes, at the behest of my flesh. Most days, my first reflex is to acquiesce to the request of my flesh, but I detest my flesh and through the power of the Spirit, I contest my flesh, wrest my flesh, desire to best my flesh, in hopes to arrest my flesh.  I keep reminding him that he’s an unwelcomed guest in my flesh and that he’s too underdressed to play chess with a King who can checkmate him in one move or less. Ah, but as I move toward my spiritual rest, I delay my yes at the behest of my flesh. Every day, in my own power, I am hard-pressed to check my flesh. Ya’ll, it’s complex. So, I must live and move in Him who was made manifest in the flesh in order to divest my flesh, undress my flesh, depress my flesh and give me recess from my flesh. Lest I forget the One who said come to me and I will give you rest and the One whose passion and death removed my sin as far as the East is from the West, I will daily return to Calvary, the place of the Ultimate Love fest.  But, sometimes I am guilty of delaying my yes at the behest of my flesh. Through the Spirit’s power, I will pass the test and my flesh won’t best me today, misdirect me today, negatively affect me today. Ya’ll, I’m walking in the Spirit. I can hear it, that is, His voice, leading me, guiding me, prodding me, prompting me, pushing me, convicting me, changing me, transforming me. I don’t desire to delay my yes at the behest of my flesh. But, why do I say yes to the request of my flesh? Here in lies my stress. So, I must ingest and digest the life and words of the One who gave me this new nature living inside my chest. But, I must confess, I am guilty of delaying my yes at the behest of my flesh. Who will deliver me from the mess of my flesh? Ah, yes! Jesus, the One who bested sin and death. 

How has your flesh/sinful nature delayed your “yes” to our heavenly Father? How will you use your mind and body as instruments of righteousness under the Spirit’s control today?

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Tupac’s “I Ain’t Mad at Cha,” was released as the fourth single from his album All Eyez on Me. It was released shortly after his death. The song was a heartfelt tribute to the friends he knew before he became famous. In the song, Tupac is, in a “ghetto thug” way, reassuring friends, who had turned their backs on him, that he held no grudges against them.

Now, I can’t tell you how many times I failed God, and I thought He held grudges against or was mad at me for my past sins and failings. I thought he had amputated my eternal future because of my diseased past. Have you ever felt this way? If Jesus forgave all our sins, why are we struck with and stuck in so much fear and doubt? This is probably true for several reasons: 1) Satan uses past guilt to stifle our spiritual progress 2) Present sins make us feel inadequate to be used by God 3) Our own conscience reminds and condemns us of our past sins and how we once lived 4) Non-Christian and self-righteous friends point out inconsistencies in our lives. 

When past guilt and present failures make you feel spiritually inadequate, fully embrace these truths:

Read Romans 8:1 again. This is the reassurance of God saying, “I Ain’t Mad at Cha.”   

Which lies do you tend to believe and cause you to be stuck in the rut with feelings of spiritual inadequacies? Which truth(s) do you need to embrace more fully?

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