Criticism
Elbert Hubbard said, “If we want to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” The problem with this is, mostly every person who is reading this post desires to make a positive impact in the world. Therefore, you are going to be criticized. You will be criticized for what you do, what you say, how you live, the way you lead, the way you speak, the way you parent, and the way you run your department. Some of that criticism will be justified and some will not. That’s not the most important part of criticism. How we handle it determines the trajectory of our growth as parents, spouses, friends, employees, communicators, and leaders.
Most of us have a typical negative emotional response of anxiety to criticism, whether it is real or imagined, self-directed or from someone else. Some of us even panic when we are criticized by others, and we become defensive, deny the criticism, and we end up being manipulated into defending what we want to do instead of doing it. I have not always handled or coped with criticism in a way that displayed maturity, but I have been developing the following skills and attitudes to help me handle criticism better:
1. Agree with any truth in statements that people use to criticize me and determine how I can grow.
2. Listen to exactly what the critic says, not to what’s implied.
3. Respond only to what the critic says, not what the criticism implies or my interpretation of the criticism.
4. Don’t interpret what is said to conform to my own insecurities and self-doubt.
5. Accept my mistakes and errors and see them as just that.
6. Realize that my mistakes and errors do not define me as a person.
7. Realize that God does not condemn or criticize me for my sins, mistakes and errors.
Next time you’re criticized for something, walk through this list. The result of developing these skills, we can cut our learned emotional puppet strings that cause us to react negatively to criticism from others and become whole, fully effective, free people.
What is your typical response to criticism? What other skills of handling criticism have you learned and can add to this list?
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January 8th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Great post & thanks for sharing! I've developed such thick skin regarding criticism that hardly anything a negative critic says bothers me. This is unhealthy because I have a tendency to block constructive criticism as well. I've copied your list to carry with me @ all times to remind myself to handle criticism better.
Thanks again!!!
January 8th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Great post Pastor Blaster! Consider the critic and remember that we all live in glass houses…that's how I handle it!
January 8th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
How do you avoid internalizing criticisms? There are times when I view myself much differently than others and end up feeling hurt by their comments. Great post by the way.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:30 am
Thanks for this. I really, really needed it. I am dealing with some issues on my job that deal with A LOT of criticism these days.
February 26th, 2011 at 8:02 pm
It takes courage to honestly and openly accept criticism then confront ourselves with the truth that often comes from it (even when the criticism is untruthful or unloving, the way we respond to it says much about our character…)
It may begin with the courage to accept what is or isn't true, to change when necessary, to respond in love regardless! And to mention, the courage to stand for what we know about ourselves and not allow the enemy to feed us lies because someone else may not believe/do/understand things the way God has designed us too.
Criticism in any form has the potential to produce positive growth!
…just some of my thoughts as I was reading your post…
March 4th, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Thanks for this post! I am printing it to help me and other remember creative ways to handle it. I beleive it is not what is said but how I respond to it that counts. Thank you, good work
March 23rd, 2011 at 8:36 am
For me the greatest struggle comes with the way the criticism is delivered. While I know the deliverence should not have any bearing on our response; a lot of times I can't see past the tone and words used by the individual criticizing me. This probably does have to do with internalized insecurities and self-doubt that rise to the surface when someone accuses me of not doing my best when I have been trying to do my best the whole time? Hmmmmmm.
I do appreciate the list and need to imprint it on my brain so I can apply the steps when I do get critcized. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.