Little Girls Need Their Daddies!
A while ago I had a conversation with an 8 year old child that simply broke and melted my heart. It was a conversation about her not feeling wanted and loved by her dad. She thought she was the seeming unimportant pawn in the chess match of her mother and father’s divorce and animosity toward each other. For whatever reason, her dad refuses to spend time with her (Can someone please help me with this? I simply don’t understand).
I tried to assure her that no dad would intentionally not spend time with his children, especially his daughter. She didn’t seem to buy what I was selling. Shoot! I didn’t even buy what I was selling because I have witnessed plenty of deadbeat dads simply refuse to spend time with their children, and then turn around and say that they love their kids. In my mind, the two cannot be reconciled, plain and simple. I can only surmise that either they don’t love their kids or they love themselves more than they love their kids. Either one is an abdication of their responsibility as a father and devastating for the child.
Anyway, I asked her if she was angry with her dad. She assured me that she was not. “All I want is to see and spend time with my dad.” she whimpered. It took everything in me to keep it together. At that moment I realized something: little girls need and want their daddies. Even if the super hero cape has been marred by broken promises and unintentional or intentional negligence, little girls need and want their daddies. Little girls need and want their daddies to be fully present with them, to hold their hands as they cross the street, to tuck them in at night, to study spelling words with them, to wipe their tears away, to protect them from danger (especially knucklehead boys), to buy them ice cream and take them to the bookstore, to listen intently to their repeated ramblings about their day, to be honest and ask forgiveness, to assure them that God is big and strong, to remind them that God listens to their whimpers and can interpret their tears, to buy them what they need and surprise them with what they want, to model what a godly man is and should be, and to one day, with confidence, give their hand to a man who will take as much care to love them as we have. I wrote this last paragraph with tears streaming down my face. Why? Because I have a little girl, and when we walk down the street together, holding hands, or when she sits in my lap or asks me to give her a horseback ride to her bed, I know that my little girl needs and wants her daddy.
What do you think of this post? What are some of your initial reactions?
Popularity: 15% [?]
Tags: Family
June 10th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
This really touched my heart. I didn't grow up in a Christian home but my Daddy loved me unconditionally. He called his three daughters his princesses. Since not having sons is taboo in Pakistani culture people would always comment negatively and Daddy's response was always that one of his girls were worth more than a thousand sons. He never treated us differently because we were girls like majority Pakistani dads and always encouraged us in our dreams. He was loving, generous, spent time with us, made many sacrifices so we had everything we needed and wanted, and was our biggest cheerleader. I was the closest daughter to him until I revealed my conversion to the family in January of 2008,at which time he disowned me. That was the most difficult time in my life because I had always depended on my Daddy. I never wanted or needed my Daddy more.
June 10th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Unfortunately he died in a drowning accident in July of 2008 unreconciled to me which was an extremely difficult time in my life. Still God showed Himself more than ever to be my Heavenly Father and brought me to a place of peace of knowing that despite those six months of silence my Daddy loved me and I loved him and we both knew that during that time. The one thing that hundreds of people said about him after he died was that he loved his girls more than anything in the world. That will always stay with me.
(I had to split my comment into two because it said it was "too long." Sorry.)
June 10th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Wow!!! thank you for reminding how important am the the other women in my life besides my wife. My precious angels need a power source as well.
June 10th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Wow! Ayla, this is so touching. Thanks for sharing this. Here in the US, we take so many of our freedoms for granted and we cannot begin to imagine or understand being disowned and persecuted for our relationship with Jesus. As I read your comment, my heart broke for you, but I also celebrate you for your courage. People need to hear your story. Would you be willing one day to share that publicly?
June 10th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
This is so very true. Daddys are our first fans and first defenders. They help to build our esteem in ways only a Daddy could and they love us even when we are not being lovable. When my Daddy died in 2005, I vividly recall feeling as if my number 1 Cheerleader had been cut (unfairly, I might add) from the squad. Soon I realized that he has simply changed his location. He is still cheering, just in the grand stand of Glory. I'm so grateful to God for honoring me with a Daddy who loved me.
Thanks for reminding me of how blessed I am because of my Daddy and my "Uncle Daddys," Pastor Dads, and Godfathers, etc. God give us "Daddys" through others positive male figures. So grateful!
June 11th, 2010 at 1:37 am
This story is a reality for most little girls, sad but true. Our world is consumed with both parent working and trying to make money especially fathers who are the sole providers. But work may not always be the issue it could just be that some fathers/mothers don't want to be parents. I can't speak about needing a dad because I never knew mines so I really couldn't miss something I never had. Was curious to feel what a father daughter relationship was like but didn't. Not to put my business all out here, but the only male that was around in my life my mother allowed was nothing positive, lets say I grew up hiding secrets from my mother because no one would believe me if I told. I know they say it's important for a young girl to have a father in there lives to show them how a man should love you and respect them but in my case it was very different. I struggled growing up as a child/teenager and young adult because I wasn't sure what to look for from a man. Are they suppose to take advantage of me, use me? Well I thank the Lord that I did not have to look far because I learned that my LORD was my father who would never try to hurt me, he protected me and kept me safe through the storms. However I am grateful and blessed to see that I have a husband to show me what a father (physical being) should be like to their daughter. God bless him
June 11th, 2010 at 3:43 am
I struggle with connecting with people in general, and my kids are a special case. They are so young, so they love simple things and want positive reinforcement and attention for the simplest, mundane things. While I tell my wife that I love how they can appreciate the simple things of life while we are disillusioned as adults, I find it irritating when they ask me questions when they already know the answer, when they want me to participate in activities that I have no interest.
Even though I'm home more often than the average father, besides meals, I don't spend a lot of time with my kids. I look upon them as blessings that the lord has bestowed upon us, but I don't feel that magical, intangible connection that parents say they have with their children. For me, they are akin to high-maintenance pets. Maybe things will change when they age I can communicate with them on more equal terms, or at least when their interests are more dynamic than Nick Jr programming.
June 11th, 2010 at 3:57 am
Mo. P, I certainly understand how mundane it can be and how we wait for those future moments where we can fully engage with our kids. But, those future moments almost never come. We get busy and we let other things crowd out those moments. If we are not intentional, it won't ever happen. If things never change, things will never change. The moments don't have to be magical, just consistent. The moments are cumulative, like adding 50 dollars in the bank every two weeks and letting it grow. They may never remember all those moments, but they will remember how you may them feel in your presence. Our posture, demeanor, and silence can make our children feel like a nuisance and a bother, and they will ultimately will only tolerate us as people who live with them in the same house, not protectors, providers and representatives of their heavenly father. I don't always get this father thing right, but I am trying to be more consistent and intentional.
June 11th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
This really breaks my heart and hits very close to home. My father was wonderful & I have great memories of spending time with him. Unfortunately, I was not able to pass this along to my own daughters. Although I have forgiven my "ex" for walking out on us, the hurt remains. I tried to compensate for his absence, but of course, failed miserably. So, now I pray and pray and pray. I ask my Heavenly Father to guide them, watch over and protect them. I hope many dads will read your post and realize that whether their daughters are 8 or 38–they need their daddys.
June 12th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
If only I could figure out how to not think of them as nuisances and bothers. Like walking with Christ, child-rearing is a long-term investment with a lot of short-term sacrifices, yet we are guaranteed the outcome of salvation with Christ. There are no guarantees with kids. And it's hard for me to find the love after all the feeding, dressing, finding-stuff-for-them-to-do-that-isn't-TV..
June 14th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
You are so right! I see this almost every day in the center I run. I don't understand how a parent can abandon their child. Many of the kids that come to the center have become like my kids and I love them, miss them, hurt with them and for them and these are not my real kids. To prove your point there's 2 sisters that have a father that's been in and out of jail and has broken, I'm sure 100's of promises to these girls, There dad is still all they talk about they wanna see their dad, they wanna be with there dad even though he don't want any part of them.
July 26th, 2010 at 9:31 am
Marvin, You are right on with this post. I've heard you speak a few times and am in awe of how God uses you. Thank you for being open to Him. As a deployed Soldier, I see everyday how my career choice has effected my children. My wife and I have been blessed with 5 children, the youngest born in January. I was just home on R&R and was able to see my newest boy and hold him. My oldest is a 7 1/2 yr old girl, I am fairly certain she does not feel as the girl you mention. But, it still brings tears to my eyes, because many times over the years I have made poor choices when she has asked for my time. Over the past year, I have come to know the Lord and realize now how important it is that I lead my family and father my children. It is my responsibility, not my wife's. Unfortunately or fortunately, I have two months remaining on my deployment. I can not wait to return to my family and give them the time they deserve. But, I do know, like you said in your reply… it must be intentional and planned. I recently read a book by Stephen Maxwell titled, "Redeeming the Time." If I recall, the Maxwell's have 8 children. He makes time for each of them during the week and involves the boys especially in all his household activities. If he has to run an errand, he takes a child with him. Those moments allow one on one time and time to instruct his children. May you continue to be a blessing and be blessed.
August 4th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Experiencing a father's love was one thing I always desired! All I have is a name which is sad because there is no face to place with the name. About two years ago received a phone call from my mother while living abroad that he had passed. All I could say was I hope he had a relationship with God! Till this day I'm dealing with the unknown and I know there is a sister that I do not know personally. Thank you for this message and it is so true daughters need their FATHER more than we know.
August 24th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
In September 2008 I found myself in a very bad situation while also learning I was pregnant. I struggled through my pregnancy trying to decide what is best for the baby girl I was carrying. Adoption was a very serious consideration — so much so I actually had a family selected. One of my biggest fears of keeping the baby was knowing that she would not have a father. I greatly admire my own father and knowing my baby wouldn't have one was hard for me. With a lot of support from my family, and my own strong will, I chose to keep the baby and I named her Katelynn Grace. Her middle name is very important to me and I hope to her as well as she grows up. There are many days when I still wonder if she will feel as if she is at a disadvantage without a father. But, as I am walking this life on my own and relying on my Heavenly Father, I hope and pray Katelynn will find the same peace and comfort in knowing her Heavenly Father is always there for her too. Afterall, Katelynn is a Princess because her Father is the King of Kings!!! I just think we all need to remember that our earthly lives will disappoint us, but we all have a Heavenly Father who will never disappoint!
February 19th, 2011 at 3:38 pm
So true. Beautiful post.
February 23rd, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I LOVE IT!