All right, I have given a lot of love (no pun intended) to married couples over the last couple posts. Because so much attention is given to “mainstream” married life, some singles can feel alienated and even treated as “the other” or second class citizens. Many followers of Jesus don’t believe in the legitimacy of singleness. In fact, the church has inflicted much pain on singles by treating singleness as a disease for which the only cure is marriage. Directly or indirectly, subtly or not so subtly, we have ascribed to the notion that singles are unfinished business. You’ve heard it: “Girl, you ain’t married yet?” “You need a good wife.” “You know you are not getting any younger.” “Found anybody yet?”You better hurry up and find somebody so you can have some kids.” These kinds of statements from family and friends can put a lot of pressure on a person and lead people to believe that singles are incomplete people. One of our members (LA) reminded me as we were running one day, “We (singles) are not these desperately unhappy and lonely people.” Based on my many conversations with single men and women, I am convinced that most singles have carved out well-ordered lives for themselves. With no demanding family responsibilities or possessive spouses, many singles, most singles enjoy a degree of freedom which married couples can’t enjoy.     

I have a lot of love for those who are single, and I want to show them some love as well. Therefore, these next couple posts will be dedicated to singles. If you are single, these next posts will not be musings about trying to fix something that I think is wrong with you. I will try to center these posts on encouraging you and helping you maximize your singleness, for the sake of Jesus. Because I have not been single for a while, it will be imperative that you bring your voice and experience to the table.  
 
Singles basically fit into three categories:
 
Single by creation (1 Corinthians 7:7). The Bible says there are some singles who have the gift of singleness. These are individuals who God has created to live happily ever after, single. These are individuals who have no yearning and burning desire to get married. Listen, the three greatest men in the Bible were single – John the Baptist, Paul and Jesus. How can you tell if you have “the gift?” You an live your whole life without the desire for and preoccupation with marriage and sexual relations, and it doesn’t frustrate you. You are not a time bomb, waiting to explode. If you struggle with sexual temptations and have a desire to be married, then you don’t have to wonder if you have the gift. You probably don’t have it. I can’t explain the mystery of this gift. All I know is that this gift is rare.
 
Single by circumstance (1 Corinthians 7:15). These are single individuals who would like to be married, but for one reason or another, due to various circumstances, are still single. People look at you strangely because you are single and with no children. They think something is wrong with you. For many, circumstances have caused you to be single. Relationally, things just have not worked out for you. Maybe you have not found the right person. Maybe you have not found someone worthy of you. Maybe you would like to be married, but simply have not been asked or no one has shown serious interest in you. Or, maybe you have been divorced, widowed or abandoned by a spouse. Whatever the reason, you find yourself single by circumstances of life. Hang with me over the next couple posts; I want to encourage you. 
 
Single by choice (Matthew 19:12). The Bible talks about people who could be married if they wanted to, but have decided that something else is more important. Now, people can choose to be single for good reasons or they can remain single for selfish reasons. Just as people can get married for the right or wrong reasons, single people can remain single for the right or wrong and selfish reasons. 

Here are some reasons why some might remain single:
 
Making lots of money/personal belongings/financial independence
Avoidance of responsibility of marriage
Having sex without the commitment of marriage 
Not wanting to compromise and make adjustments in a committed relationship 
Fear of commitment 
Non-biblical divorce 
Fear of losing a spouse through divorce or death
Marriage is inconvenient right now 
Loves privacy and freedom 
Leaving and returning with questions 
No In-Laws 
You only have to “do you”
Fear of marital failure
The Bathroom (enough said, right?)
 
However, there are some other reasons for remaining single:
 
Family obligations 
Commitment to serve others 
Working on personal problems so you won’t hoist those problems on some one else
Finishing your education
Waiting for the right person  
 
The highest motive for choosing to remain single is to have more time to serve God (Matthew 19:12). I absolutely love being married. I have a wonderful wife and beautiful children. However, there are days when I envy singles because, as Paul says, they don’t have the demanding family responsibilities that married people have. These demanding responsibilities prevent married couples from giving themselves wholly to the service of God. Singles are not inconvenienced by spousal needs and children vying for their attention, but are free to serve God fully. 
 
Singles, you have a great opportunity to give our heavenly Father all of you. Take time to thank Him for the power and freedom of your singleness and ask him to use you to make Him famous to our world.  
 
Stay tuned for how singles can maximize their singleness. What can you add to this conversation?    
 

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 1st, 2009 at 2:32 am and is filed under Singleness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.