I have been married for 14 years, and whereas I don’t profess to fully know all the things that a woman wants from her husband or significant other, I have learned a few important lessons. Now, before you think I am this really sensitive and wise guy, who is fully in tuned with all of his wife’s needs all the time, I must say that many of the needs on this list is what my wife said she wanted and needed from me, and the others, I simply observed by studying my wife and listening to other women. This list is, by no means, exhaustive. Feel free to add to it.
1. Women want and need their men to lead them spiritually. There is nothing more sexy and attractive to our wife and significant other than her man going before God and getting directions from Him for his family. My wife loves it when I am listening to God for direction for our family. Reading the Bible and praying with and for your wife or significant other really does deepen your relationship. We normally pray together before Tonia leaves for work.
2. Women want and desire their men to make them feel special and to reassure them that they are still beautiful. After 2 or 3 children, gaining weight and finding it difficult to shed the pounds, some of our women don’t feel as beautiful as they once did. It is our job to reassure them with words, affection, gifts and spending quality time with them.
3. Women want and need their men to reassure them that they are loved unconditionally. Our love is not based on beauty, intelligence, or money. Our women need to know that our love for them will not change, even if their waistline does. The same passion we had in pursuing them, is the same passion we should exhibit in continuing to pursue them. One of the ways we show them our love is when we sacrifice our lives for them through intentionally rearranging our schedules for them. Jesus is the greatest example of this kind of sacrifice when he gave up his life for the church.
4. Women want and need their men to talk to them about “that issue” that concerns them until they are satisfied. News flash, brothers, an issue is never done until your wife or significant other says it’s done. Expect to talk about it until she feels satisfied that she has fully talked about it and that you were fully engaged in the conversation. Don’t agree with and patronize her just to end the conversation or argument! This is the kiss of death.
5. Women want and need their men to validate their feelings by listening and not always talking. I am learning that when Tonia brings me her problems and issues, before I start talking and giving answers, she simply wants me to validate her feelings, her anger, and her frustrations, by attentively listening to her. Because I am used to providing answers to people for their problems, I am always tempted to fix her problems without fully listening to the issues. Also, they want us to let them feel what they are feeling without telling them they shouldn’t feel that way. When we do this, fellas, we are actually dismissing who they are. Validate her feelings by simply listening to her and empathizing with her.
6. Women want and need their men to provide them emotional security. Women want to know that her husband or significant other is safe – safe to share her hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties. When your wife or significant other can feel safe to share these things, you are providing her with emotional security, and she will rise up and call you blessed.
7. Women want and need their men to take the initiative in the relationship – setting up the date night, finding the babysitter, being pro-active, not reactive, knowing what the needs are in the home and taking care of those needs without being asked. Doing this says that you are just as interested, if not more interested than she in your relationship. So, surprise her and take the initiative.
8. Women want and need their men to show them non-sexual affection. (is there such a thing for a man? lol). Holding hands while walking down the street or in the mall, a gentle kiss on the cheek, a 15 minute back and shoulder massage (no ulterior motives), snuggling in your favorite chair, laughing together, a hug “just because,” and a call or a text in the middle of the day to see how she’s doing, are simple ways to show non-sexual affection toward our women. Single men and women you must be careful to honor God with your bodies and all your actions in your relationships with the opposite sex.
9. Women want and need their men to be fully present. There is nothing more annoying to our women than for us attempting to multi-task while talking with them. So, let’s turn off the Blackberry, iPhone, computer and television and look directly into their eyes and give our wife or significant other our full attention.
10. Women want and need their men to volunteer to watch the kids for the day while they have some time alone. Enough said!
11. Women want and need Non-special day ROMANCE! ROMANCE! ROMANCE! Our women want to be swept off their feet with big and small surprises: a nice dinner for two (no kids) at her favorite restaurant, dancing with her in the middle of the kitchen, “just because” notes on her pillow, in her purse, or in/on her car, weekly escapes to talk and laugh, yearly extravaganzas, folding clothes, washing dishes, fixing something around the house that’s broken, or coming to her job to fix a flat tire (all of which Tonia loves). Fellas, romance your wife or significant other, not just to get a lil somethin’, somethin’ in return, but just because she’s special to you and deserves it.
12. Women want and need for their men to be honest with them. Women want their men to be honest with them in big things and small things. Brothers, when we start lying about little things – i.e. paying the bill when we really didn’t – it’s easier for our wife or significant other to suspect lies in other areas of our lives – affairs, pornography, gambling, etc. With each lie we tell, brothers, we erode and destroy the bond of trust with our women.
13. Women want and need for their men to provide them with financial security. What does this mean? I don’t think it means that the brother has to have “stacks” (be rich). I think it means the man “legally” makes enough money to provide for the basic needs of the family (food, clothing, appropriate shelter) and even for her to not have to work. Also, it means leading the way in wisely and appropriately managing the family resources while he’s living (a budget – people it works) and providing for the family even after he dies (life insurance, investments, funeral arrangements, etc.). Also, it means living within your means and striving to be debt free.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list, but just a few lessons I have learned over the years as I have tried living with my beautiful wife according to knowledge.
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