I was reading in Matthew 26 this morning where Peter is confronted two times by several individuals in the courtyard and accused of being associated with Jesus. Each time he denied being with Him. The third time some other bystanders came to Peter and said, “you must be one of them because we can tell by your Galilean accent.” That last accusation arrested my attention and is where the Holy Spirit gave me pause. Here are some questions I sensed Him asking me:

Will I ever be accused of being one of them because I was closely associated with Him?

Can people tell that I am one of them based on the way I talk, my Christ accent? No, I am not talking about using the right Christian language, but the way I respond to all of life, no matter how strange it gets.

Will they be able to tell that I am one of them based on the way I respond during difficult, disappointing and frustrating moments in my day?

Will they be able to determine if I am one of them by the way I use my words to build up, encourage, create, give life, and inspire.

Will they know that I am one of them based on the way I talk to my hurting spouse, my active children, my unfair boss, and my unruly neighbor?

Will bystanders know that I am one of them based on the way I forgive those who offend me, love my enemies, suffer well without and within me, listen and give to the marginalized and disenfranchised consistently?

Will people around me ever accuse me of being one of them based on the way I rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep?

Will I ever be accused of being one of them because I loved and lived like him?

If you are follower of Jesus, can people tell that you are one of them? Is there any language or behavior that may prevent people from ever thinking or believing that you are one of them? What do you need to change?

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I wanted to share this with you on our 15th year anniversary, but I did not have a copy with me in Aruba, plus the server was down at the resort. When Tonia and I were married 15 years ago, on the 10th day of July, 1994 @ 3:25 p.m., this is what I said to my bride:

To the beautiful one I stand before
It is you and you alone
I promise to love, cherish and adore

I make a solemn but joyful pledge this day,
before God and men
to love you in every way

It’s a love that is not wrapped in empty words,
but one that is seen
and not just heard

My vow this day is to provide and give
And a godly life before God, you and our children,
I will strive to live

I promise to wrap your delicate frame
in my arms when you are confused and afraid
and constantly remind you that His grace
is greater than our need.

I vow to look to and depend on the Lord of Hosts
and when an army of troubles come
in His power I will boast.

My love is tainted and incomplete
But in our most difficult times, when it will be hard to love,
I promise his love and grace we will seek.

I promise to trust Christ to guide the vessel of our marriage safely to port
Because never a mission have I known him to fail or abort

In the mind of God, from the very start,
Man and wife should become one flesh and never part.

So, to you and you only I will now cleave
and vow this day, except for death, to never leave

So when eyes are dimming and hair is graying
May I be found ever saying
I’m committed, to thee alone, I’m committed

When steps are shortened and beauty fading,
May I be found ever saying
I’m committed, to thee alone, I’m committed.

When these eyes are forever closed and my life’s breath cease,
May the testimony of my life be:
He was committed. To her alone, he was committed.

Over the last fifteen years, I have attempted to be faithful to live out these vows. But, I know I have failed, many times, (more than I care to recall), in living up to these lofty words. Today, I am working harder and harder to live in obedience to God’s role for me as a husband and embody these words that I spoke over 15 years ago.

What vows – marital or otherwise – have you made? Are you living up to the vows you made? What’s been the most difficult and the most rewarding part in living up to the vows you made?

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The good looking kid (gets the looks from his mother) you see in the picture is my son, Micah. This year he has developed a love affair with baseball. On Thursday he asked me to work on his pitching with him. I told him that I would after I finished working out. I finished my workout, got something to eat, showered and before I knew it, time had slipped away from me. Now, I was rushing out the door to get to the office. As I was walking out the door, I heard his innocent but maturing voice, “I thought you were going to work on my pitching with me.”

Now, I had every intention on playing with him, but had conjured up several “good” reasons why we should postpone his pitching session: I was running behind schedule, he had just finished eating, and it had been raining earlier (Now, it really hadn’t rained long and hard enough to prevent us from playing). “Son, can we work on your pitching when I come back home this evening?” He said, “All right, dad.” Although his “all right” sounded like he understood, I knew it was laced with disappointment. His “all right” sounded like a hope deferred, and I was the one who had deferred it.  

When he conceded, I knew I was about to break a promise to my son. But, the Holy Spirit would not let me. He nudged me to put down my bag, my blackberry, and my afternoon snack and pick up my glove and work on pitching with my son. I obeyed. It was the best ten minutes of my day. Yes, it was inconvenient. Yes, it interrupted my flow. But, something more important than my schedule and my flow was at stake. My integrity was at stake. My example and reputation of being a “father who keeps a promise’ was at stake (I know another Father who has a reputation of keeping promises) This was about more than playing catch. It was about making and keeping a promise to my son. I told him I would, and I needed to keep my word. It was a promise worth keeping.

What promises have you made to your spouse, children, family and friends, that you need to keep today? What inconveniences or interruptions have you allowed to prevent you from keeping your word? What baby steps can you take to fulfill your promises?

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I was at a luncheon on yesterday, where Don Cousins, author of LeaderShift, was speaking to a group of pastors. I was sitting next to a distinguished gentleman, who is a very prominent leader in the black community and an associate minister at the host church. While we listened to the talk (It really was a great talk), he made it pretty obvious that he did not want to be there. He seemed to grow more and more impatient with each passing minute. He checked his watch at least 10-15 times and held his head down almost the entire talk, fiddling with his PDA.

Minutes before Cousins finished his talk, the man got up to leave, but his pastor asked him to stay until Cousins was completely done. He complied. Afterwards, he told his pastor that during the talk he was convinced that his church was not the place for him and that he was leaving. Then he said, “But, in the last three minutes of the talk, the Lord spoke to me, telling me there is work to be done. I’m staying.” Now, Cousins’ talk lasted almost an hour (Every leader and pastor should have heard it), but it was the last three minutes that impacted this man and changed his mind.

This brief exchange taught me a few lessons:

• 180 seconds in more than enough time for God to speak and change a mind and a life.
• If I bail out of a message or prayer or a conversation too soon, I could be missing what God wants to say to me, to disturb me, encourage me, challenge me, bless me, empower me, sustain me, and even rearrange my values to align with his. The last three minutes of my quiet time with God, listening to message, or having a conversation with a mentor or a friend, might be the most important minutes of the entire time. 
• I need to dial in, be fully present, and listen carefully.

How have you experienced God speaking to you in a short period of time? How did you respond to his voice?

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As someone who makes a living talking, I know how powerful words can be. They can, like knives, pierce the heart and destroy a person’s life. On the other hand, our words, like medicine, can promote health and give life. I have seen this with my children. When I fuss and zero in on what they did wrong instead of what they did right, I see their spirit’s shrink. But when I praise them for a job well done or a “herculean” effort, their spirits soar. Needless to say, words are very powerful. 

However, there are times when my words are careless, have no positive impact, have no redeeming value and action, and bear no fruit. Sometimes my words cause people’s spirit’s to wither or fade away. 

The alternative is using our words to build a person up according to their needs. Let’s ask God to help us observe people’s lives to understand better what their needs are, and then use the right words to complete them. But, we must make the investment in discovery. After we have discovered the needs of people around us, let’s bestow a blessing on them with our words. Ask God to help you to use your words to benefit and complete others. 

Tell your children you love them and are proud of them 

Tell your spouse specifically how they have added value to your life

Tell a co-worker how much their work means to you and the company

Tell a friend specifically how they have been a blessing in your life.

Tell someone you forgive them  

When was the last time you intentionally used your words to heal, bless, or minister to someone else? Who will you bless and encourage today with your words?

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Every day I have a choice as to how I will use my words – to bless, complete and give life to others, or to curse, discourage, or crush the people in our sphere of influence. You have that same choice. I am certain there are more, but I believe we can fit our words into at least four categories:

Careless words - A person whose tongue/speech is careless has a speech pattern that is filled with lies instead of truth, curses instead of blessings, and quick-tempered retorts rather than controlled and thoughtful responses. I suppose hurtful and senseless sarcasm would fit in this category as well. This person rarely thinks before they speak and often says insensitive things. Man, how I wish I could take back some of my careless words. Or, at least, I wish I would have thought more carefully about what I was going to say before I said it. (Pro. 10:18, 32; 11:9)
 
Manipulating words - A person whose tongue/speech is manipulative has a speech pattern that is filled with wrong motives, gossip, slander, flattery and twisting the truth. (Proverbs 6:12-14, 16-19; 8:13; 16:28) My heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9), and when I have allowed selfishness to reign in my heart, I have found myself splashing in the mud puddles of flattery, wrong motives and slander.  
Caring words - A person whose tongue/speech is caring and ministry focused has a speech pattern that speaks truthfully, while seeking to encourage and complete others. Words that focus on forgiveness would definitely fit in the category of speech. (Proverbs 10:32; 12:18, 25; 15:23) When I have used caring words to minister to hurting people, there is not a greater feeling in the world. Really can’t fully explain the mystery of caring words, but God uses these kinds of words comfort families during funerals and when family members are suffering in the hospital. They encourage our children after a disappointment and our spouses after a grueling day at work or with the children. These kinds of words give momentum to people who feel unappreciated. Lord, please help us use caring words more often – even today.  
 
Disciplined words - A person whose tongue/speech is disciplined has a speech pattern that thinks before they speak, knows when silence is best and is able to consistently give wise advice. (Proverbs 10:19; 11:12, 13; 12:16; 13:3) I have an abnormally large mouth today because I have put my foot in it too many times. I am learning day by day what it means to listen more and talk less. I need to be infused, day by day, with the power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish this. 
 
Roughly what percentage of all your conversation falls into each of the four categories of speech? What other categories can you add? How have your words become different over the last few months?

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